i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize