So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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