Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
