Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
one two three fourrrrnication!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
