Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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