just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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