I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
