Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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