i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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