I think i sorta joined a cult last night
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
