Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
