my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
