I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
