I'm going to jail i love you
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
