Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
