your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
