You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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