saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
