Just fell off a train. Bad.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
