I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
