there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
