I'm going to jail i love you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Randomize
