member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
