From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
