My brain says no but my pants say off.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
