i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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