i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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