And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
