do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
