if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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