she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize