Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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