never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
that is very illegal...i love you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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