i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
