you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
