We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
