literally had 100 drinks last night.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize