Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
