I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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