you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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