It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
