We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
