I cannot find my penis.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
