I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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