Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
