so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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