Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
