Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
