Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
