no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
