i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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