the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize