It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
