Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
