And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
