It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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