I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
