dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Randomize
