it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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