When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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