i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
