He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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