she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were trust falling into bushes
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize