So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
