If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
