I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
